Learning with Lily

Learning with Lily

Saturday, 2 November 2013

Missing my 'God delusion'

I used to believe in God unquestioningly. OK, so admittedly I was about 8 and believed in Santa and the tooth-fairy (who I tried to invite to my birthday party at around this age - never turned up, the bitch!).  Then I believed in Him self-consciously, with a degree of questioning.  But I still had Him to turn to when I needed him.

Over the last couple of years I've lost my faith.  It seems to me that just because we may "want" some sort of purpose in our world, it doesn't make it so.  Yes, terrible occurrences in War and weather may be a "test."  Yes, sometimes it appears that prayers are answered.  But... really?

So I've been booted out of a world in which I felt at least there was some sort of 'guiding force' to a world of chaos, spinning through space in an unknown universe.  Death looms in front of us like a black void and nothing is "known."

I miss God.

I miss feeling at least that there "might" be someone to answer my prayers - or at least listen.  I miss the feeling that there "might" be something beyond this life.  But I can't make myself believe in him anymore.

Like Santa and the tooth-fairy, it was a happier world when I believed.

I apologise to anyone religious reading this - I'm jealous, really.  Say "hi" to God for me... x

8 comments:

Grace Kentish said...

all you have to do is turn to him again, he's still there and he still loves you

Anonymous said...

I agree with the above, He is there, and always will be. My favourite passage from the bible is this:
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, [k] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
He will never ever stop loving us and therefore He is always there for us.
Why don't you get s book or two, some stories of how God changed lives. The Grace Outpouring, Miricle in the Mines and the Cross and the Switchblade are all books that I can recommend.

WellingtonsMum said...

Try `The Shack` by William Young.It`s not easy going in places, and definitely not conventional Christianity, but food for thought.
Xxx he is there. Somewhere. Just as well he hangs on tight, cos I sure can`t.
Judy

sandra said...

or if you want to read something shorter how about the "Footprints in the sand" poem. I believe that He is carrying you even if you aren't aware of it at the moment. xx

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry if my comment comes up twice since I can't tell if it's posted or not!

I've been where you are. Perhaps it's a good thing - not believing in an omnipotent "somebody" who is out there somewhere. Then I met Him for real. Realised that He had come to earth as a baby, grown, lived, was murdered for no reason because he did not deserve it. He rose, showed himself to his friends for 40 days and now is the way for us to come to God and for him to be more to us than just some "being" who lives out there. He even said how great it is for people to have never met him to believe in him! Since I met him properly, He is now a friend, Father, brother. I can introduce him to you if you ever wanted it :)

WellingtonsMum said...

Just `live loved`

Anonymous said...

I have been there too... All I will say is that there are people who have always believed, people who never believe, people who lose their faith and people who find their faith (again.) Maybe your journey isn't over yet...
And I second the Shack, great book.

Heather said...

Third vote for The Shack - brilliant book.
I was brought up with faith. I never really thought about it in much depth, but I still believe that there's someone somewhere looking out for us now and when we die.
If I didn't believe that much then it would be a lot harder to learn to accept that my friend, my god-daughter and her sister were gone. The thought of them being somewhere, together, with someone looking after them, is so much more comforting than the alternative.

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